Saturday, May 29, 2010

BP Gives Up, Admits They've Run Clean Out Of Ideas: "Do You Have Ideas To Help Us?" They Ask

While fellow denizens of New York City took to Houston Street to display their frustration and anger over the largest oil spill in United States history, BP—only recently concluding the spill is a huge "environmental catastrophe,"—are throwing their hands up in exasperation. Seen above, the oil spilling company has taken to crowd sourcing their response to the little "whoopsie daisy" in the Gulf. The screenshot above comes from the BP website.

Someone should inform the White House that BP is all out of ideas. Last week, in response to a press question where a reporter inquired: "I’m asking why you don’t take control of the whole operation?" White House press secretary Robert Gibbs responded: "[BP has] the legal responsibility and the technical expertise to plug the hole."

NYC The Blog called the Houston, TX, based number seen at top and spoke with Curtis at the "BP Response Center." When asked what kind of ideas BP was looking for, Curtis explained they are looking for any ideas with regard to cleaning up the oil spill in the Gulf waters and "getting it off the beaches."

But what about the top kill? There are reports that it is failing. "If that fails, then yah, we're gonna need ideas on stopping that too."

America, looks like BP's expertise are your ideas. This one is up to you. This is your Exxon Valdex, just bigger. If you have any ideas on how to terminate and clean up what might be the largest environmental disaster ever witnessed in America, devastatingly affecting generations of humans and wildlife to come, please call BP and let them know. Your ideas will be forwarded to engineers on the scene. You can also use this form online. Because gosh darn it, BP will be a skip dippin' nincompoop if either they or the Unites Stated Government have any idea on how to fix this one.

UPDATE: Rachel Maddow reviews news coverage from an oil spill in the Gulf 31 years ago. Then as now, the same ideas were implemented, to no avail. The top hat, top kill, and other far-fetched ideas did not work then, and are not working now. After that well cotinued to leak for nine months, drilling another well to relive pressure on the leaking well, and finally capping it, is what worked.

UPDATE: Gawker's Adrian Chen calls the number and posts the audio recording. Chen suggests BP highlight the positive effects of the spill.

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